Relationship dilemma

Guess who always forgets she has a blog??? Guilty.

So while I had so many goals to fulfill after my exams I seem to have achieved none except getting shitfaced every weekend.
Don't get me wrong, getting shitfaced is much more fun than the other goals I set but it only add to my waistline and I get nothing done during the weekend. 

 The big news is, I am all in-love nowadays :) how do I know its love? Well; I am extra happy for no just reason when my phone rings, I smile when I see him walk towards me, and I am a bit use my side eyes to check who he's chatting with. 

However, while all these feelings are awesome, there's always that tiny space in my mind collating all our differences. Those tiny things that matter very little when you are friends, but makes all the difference when you are married. 

Anyways, my best friend has told me to stop worrying so much and enjoy being in love. Afterall, life is a collation of all the little moments, and I have decided to live it to the fullest! 

xx

Growing with your man

Hi Lovies,

Work and studying for exam is très stressful. Fingers crossed for June and then we are so painting all of Lagos pink.

Soooo... One of my colleagues was giving me some gist yesterday about his friend and I decided to share the story. Here it goes:

A guy, lets call him Brian, met a girl in NYSC camp. This girl is from a distinguished and quite prominent Lagos family, and the guy well grew up less privileged. After some serious wooing by the guy they started dating, and over time the girl fell head-over-heels in love.

Post-service year, the girl got a good paying job, quite good by all standards, however the guy was unable to get a job, seeing Nigeria as it is.

Obviously she, with the help of her family, secured him some interviews but they never worked out.
For the first four years the girl supported her boyfriend, got him a flat, paid for their vacations, and they were the ideal couple, displaying their love on social media. Brian put her picture perpetually as his display picture.  Life was good, the guy proposed and they picked a intro for 3 months and wedding 9 months after hoping and praying the guy will get a job by then and they wouldn't have to rely on her family.

A month after introduction, prayers got answered! The girl's aunt hooked Brian up with an interview and he got a job at a bank. Six months into working, with his babes help he changed his car, and omo boy started looking all fresh.

You would think this is where the story goes and they lived happily ever after right? Well not quite. With a new car, new job and money landing in his bank account every month, he stopped needing the girl's help. And, unfortunately Brian started noticing all the 20-year old small yellow girls with big ass, short skirts and heels all around his office.

One month to the wedding, one month o, Brian cancelled the wedding invite they both sent on Facebook. When the babe's friend called her during a meeting saying "babe there was a mistake o, your book cancelled an the wedding invite sent on facebook", girl was just like "oh he's always sitting on his damn phone". Girl picked the phone to call Brian expecting to hear sorry baby it was a mistake. Well............... nope, no error there. Mr I just got me a job and looking fresh-Brian told babe he was calling off the wedding! Girl was like how, why, no fights, we are great. Well they weren't great according to Brian, he said he had been unhappy for the last five years, and that apparently three months into their relationship he realised she is not the kind of woman he sees himself marrying, because her family looks down on me.

Same family that got him a job, and through them literally survived for over four years? and he's just coming to that comclusion one month to the wedding.

FIVE YEARS! one month to wedding! Invites everywhere! And they say babes be going crazy. Jesus se you are watching these people!.



Anyways that brings me to my point, is it worth growing up and going all through thick and thin with someone. I am not particularly one-sided to think its just men that are selfish, people generally are selfish and self serving, they can overlook all your flaws when they need you, but once they believe they can self sustain or have other options they forget all you have been through. I have heard of a babe some guy sponsored to Uni and she thought she was too "learned" for him after so she dumped him.

So I just judge people who can't do the long term investment even though I respect people who still can. Ultimately my opinion is, we should only give (what we can afford and doesn't break your account or back) out of love instead of what we can get back. Love is giving and love is kind, if he/she leaves you after all you do, he/she doesn't and couldn't ever have loved you, you deserve better, and karma always has a way.

 Prince charming is on the way.

Teaching an old dog new tricks

"To serve an unintelligent man is like crying in the wilderness, massaging the body of a dead man, planting water-lilies on dry land, whispering in the ear of the deaf" —Panchatantra
Similes Dictionary, 1st Edition. © 1988 The Gale Group, Inc

Have you ever been in one of those relationships where you wait for someone to change?

I once waited years for someone I loved to grow up and change. He never did, and when I'd had enough, our relationship ended. It's interesting to me because it was only after our breakup that he seemed to get himself together, become more mature, more open, just a better person all-round. I was left wondering, why couldn't he have been like that when we were together!

If you are stuck waiting for someone to change when you find they might not, it might really just be you are not the person they are meant to change for. This by no means makes you not the greatest person in the world, it just means its not meant to be.

The only person that can change someone is themselves. Perhaps you should look towards figuring out how to improve your life in other ways. One can not inflict a change upon another person they have to do that for themselves.

You deserve better than waiting around for someone and while some people will be brazen enough to ask you to wait, often these are decisions you make off your own back because you’re ignoring vital information, have decided you know better and prefer your fantasy.

Waiting means avoiding experiencing a ‘fail fail‘ or a ‘rejection rejection’. The longer you wait, the crappier you feel and the harder it is to stop waiting because you then reason that so much time has passed that to stop waiting now would be waste of all the previous time spent waiting and you feel like you have invested too much to stop.

While it will hurt to stop waiting, it’ll hurt a damn sight less than if you continue waiting and refuse to accept reality. You are better than being the person that they come back to after exhausting all other options. Don’t let them ‘settle’ for you after they discover that the grass is not greener on the other side.

John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” For me, life is what was happening while I was busy waiting for my big moment.

Have a good week.
xx

Who came up with the stupid word BAE

Been off here for a month, changing blogname after two weeks of starting was blog suicide, now the people who read are gone :(. Anyways, nobody there, but this is still like my little outburst journal.
It's a rant Monday

Woke up 8am on Saturday begrudgingly, knowing this weekend holds no fun for me. Oh BTW I passed my last exam, and while it is all honky dorry and exciting, it means I have to put my social life on hold to get through the next six extra large books within the next six months. Extra large, hmm, sounds like something else i'd rather be thinking of.

Alright so in the midst of all my doom at being stuck in the library while my bbm status was full of people looking fab wearing aso ebi and having fun, a message popped on my phone.

"What's up BAE?", and being in the difficult mood i was in i replied "wth is bae?" ... well the guy, who is my good friend, just ignored and probably couldn't deal with it.

But really though, what in God's name is bae, ain't we fine with babe, babe, boo, luv, honey, sweetheart (hate that one), and all this other cliche words, that we had to invent another one!

Some guy defined it best "The most fucking annoying way to say girlfriend, boyfriend, crush, or any other significant other. Commonly used by ghetto folks, swagfags, and annoying fucktads". OK maybe a bit extreme but still on the right lane!

Alright, #Notetoself, it's Monday, breathe in, won't get my panties in a twist about a stupid word, but for the fun of it, for all those of you who like the word bae, also means poop in danish.

Next time you decide to ditch the word baby and use bae, remember that, it's like typing what's happening smelly crappy shit. 

OK that made me feel better 

Totally off topic:

Mother's day was this weekend, sent my mom the cutest message, and she send me a not so cute, "looking forward to you being a mother soon". Thanks mamma, real subtle.

Shifting the excess weight

So I have absolutely never, before now, had issues with the way I look. Not because I believe I am God's gift to men but because I generally look healthy and in good shape.

Well recently, about four months back, I changed jobs, same job description, just different office. The awesome thing about my new office (and the reason I am in my present predicament) is food from the cafeteria is subsidized, uber cheap, lots of options, and did I say quite good. This, coupled with the fact that every other day someone is celebrating some buying small chops, cake, pizza, all the yummy things in life.

Well, it was all fun until Saturday. I was going for a dinner on Saturday and I had trouble zipping this dress I got fitted 4 months back. For the zip to come up, wahala, but I was determined to wear this my sleek awesome dress, so I squeezed into it by fire by force.

Enroute party I stopped to drop something for my brother, and trust the big mouth dude, he touched my tummy and asked if I have eaten, I said no, and you could see the horror on his face asking again " are you sure you have not eaten something, how can you say you have not eaten", with that judgmental stare at my tummy. All red and angry I left but then the truth is the truth no matter how callously it was communicated.

It is official, I am now a UK ten . Its not that anything is wrong with being a size ten, however, when you are 5'4, used to be a size 6 three years back, and you tend to pack fat on your tummy, chances are you look twice as chunky as a taller babe.

My mom also subtly hinted, she was like "Lola, don't you go for you morning run again, you should try to"

Since the universe, and the scale is telling me I am fat, it might be time to do something about it. Goodbye to my beloved rice!

So note to self# Morning Jogs, No more carbs, proteins, small portions, and lots of water.

Between you, me, and the bedpost

I have often thought growing up made for wiser decision making, but at times I have been faced with a situation where I have two equally difficult choices and I have made the wrong one. So.... I have decided maybe, just maybe I haven't gotten to that really wise all-knowing age just yet?. At least thats my consolation for last weekend....

Apparently your brain doesn't forget the bad choices you have made in the past and uses them as background for future decisions, so why then are some choices ever so recurrent. Why would I have that cocktail, eat that icecream cake or end up at my EX's (who I am sure I do not want to be with) house.

So I have decided for me, its pretty simple, weakness for immediate gratification of a somewhat pleasant experience, even if it is a bad choice, case in point #cakes#Icecream...

Or on a second thought, maybe I just zero in on something that really really scares me, being alone in three years (the big three 0), that drives my decision instead of logic. Case in point #Saturday night :(

Oh and on that note, no more alcohol for me; .. one of those weekends I would rather forget.

New year, new resolutions, new me?

Happy new year guys!

I hope you had an awesome celebration. Off topic, I have to get this off my mind, Gosh you should have seen church on new years eve, like where are these people every Sunday. If you are one of these people who never show up and make me trek 10mins because I couldn't find parking, them shame on you.

The first week in the year always comes with all these resolutions, lose weight, work harder, stop procrastinating, be nicer, the list is endless.  But for a lot of people, me included, it lasts just about three weeks or at most two months and we get back to our usual way of life.

My usual list
1. Stop drinking - never lasts through the second weekend
2. Exercise - well thats an all round year resolution
3. Be more organized - I think I will keep that one
4. Be more calm - Never works, no more trying

Anyways, this year I have decided to do away with the resolutions, and enjoy the rest of my 20s, which sadly is fast edging to its end#nomoremid20s, life is too short right.

Have a good one.

Happy New Month People!!!!

December is the month of giving, appreciating, and generally being thankful for the gift of family and friends. It is also the month where you make a list of all your failures for the year.

Not to be a downer but the second always seem to bother me more, when I see decorations I think its December, what have I achieved. Well until this year, this year I do not have that feeling, along the year I must have found some contentment in discovering myself. So instead of all the things that went wrong, I focus and list all the things that went right, and surprisingly when you list it, you find that a lot did.

It also helps that there are so many events to look forward to and crashing other company parties!

So cheers to the new month, may it bring lots and lots of blessings, and a new hope for starting a fresh inspiring year. xoxo

Worst way you have ever been dumped or dumped someone?

Still prepping for exams, so i'm pretty boring, I had two accidents this week less than 24hrs apart, nothing fatal, only thing damaged is my driving self esteem (Drove to work all careful like an 80year old woman today :(((  ), so not a lot is coming up here...

Anyways Question for the day

What is the worst way you have ever been dumped or dumped someone?

I'll start, my worst went this way, through a text actually " Well I have wanted to tell you this but I just liked you so much, however, I can't be in a serious relationship because I am leaving the country, I know I should have told you this an hour back when I was at your house".... Still don't believe he left the country, but wasn't bothered to find out. Good riddance

What's yours? share

When did we become so tolerant of the other woman?

Over the years, in what is a total paradigm shift from the values a lot of our mothers had, the "other woman" has become tolerable. I am not sure when along the way it happened, and no one remembered to send me a memo but it appears to now be the norm.

I always have some nagging urge to blatantly say "No babe, it is downright unacceptable", when my friends broach me on this subject, but you end up being the friend who likes to break up homes because she's not married yet.  People say if I was in those shoes I would feel differently.

Well Maybe.

However, no matter how much shame I would feel, I knew myself before I got married, my values remain my values, knowing my self-worth is what shapes every corner of my life and that is the core of me. To change now or later would be to deny who I have been for 27 years. While I am never an advocate for divorce, I have realized people do not change overnight.

A year back, my friend's boyfriend told her he was confused who to pick between her and two other girlfriends. Well she fought for "her man". Trouble is today they are married, and he's still seeing one of the other girls, who he has now rented an apartment for in Nigeria, and he's here half the year.

I've realised, the people who complain about there husbands or fiancé throwing some other woman in their face mostly had an inkling they were when they were dating. They were the ones who fought of five other girls to get their man. But the question is, if when you were dating there were five of you, why do you think today he would be satisfied with one. I have no doubt in my mind, everyone has an idea of things their partners are capable of in their subconscious, the trouble is a lot of us convince ourselves to believe some other truth that better suits our wants.

My mama has taught me, life is too short to jump into something you can't tolerate all your life, the sole reason for sharing your life with someone and giving up your freedom should be because they make you happier than anyone else in the world. Do not compromise your values or one day you would wish you had not.

But then, on the flip side, if you like smelling some other girls perfume on your man and having your kids run into daddy and "Aunty Bintan, the side chick" at the hotel near their school then go right ahead.

Have a good day guys.

Signed
xoxo

Where do you fall on the List

While we all like to think we matter the most to our significant others, you can’t help but think when scheduling time together with your boyfriend where do you fall on the priority list

1 - First? Erm no, sorry, not first, 9 – 5 or longer he’s working. He has a job right? #TLCNoScrubs

2 - Second place? while second place might do, biggest competition for this position is always the first babe he ever loved. No not the EX... his MOM... you will always find it hard to suggest a guy pick plans with you over his mother. I mean the look he’d give you, if looks could kill. So second place is gone.

3 - Third? Let put the rest of the family in this one third place basket. Father, siblings...

4 - Fourth? For those who have had a kid before you met, swap this with number one. You can 't compete on this one, it sounds wrong just thinking it.

5 - OK so you are thinking Fifth yh? UM... where do you plan on placing his buddies, you be hearing “Friday night is boys night”

6 - Sixth? Well sorry boo, for the vain man, you can’t have this position too, his N18m car comes first… #NoteToSelf…. If he drives an N18m car, doesn’t have twice that in account, or have a house……RUN.

Well my dear now you are left with the lucky number seven!

Not a fun thought is it. 

On the flip side, you might be number 1, just maybe!. 

Simple test: Call your man at work, tell him you have a problem, if he drops everything and listens to you for 20min, you just might be number one.

If not... Find your position love. lol

The 5%

So in my very deep thoughts, I made me a theory.

There is no possible way you can like 100% of another person. OK not to be the love cynic, yes you could meet someone you like 95% of, but there’s always that 5% of a person’s character that is going to be downright aggravating.

So I have dealt with my share of 5%’s, boyfriend's leaving the toilet seat up, snoring in bed, making noise while chewing ……. Oh and one of my GFs 5% was the fact that her fiancé never flushed the toilet. 

Yeah like he takes a dump and leaves it right there all stinking up the whole place and according to him, love is flushing the toilet for your fiancé, in addition to carrying all the groceries, and telling his fiancé he is doing her a favour. Now that 5% will likely be unbearable. (p.s it drove her crazy and they broke up)

Ok .......

Back to the normal 5%’s, it is what the 5% entails that count, my last boyfriend was always sniffling like a little puppy it was annoying but everytime I think about it, it makes me smile. Most 5%'s are mostly the cute little things that make them unique. So look at your partner, decide to appreciate the 5% (as long as it’s not the one mentioned above or sleeping in his mum's room #thanks nollywood for forever scaring me#), and know you definitely have your own 5% he/she has decided to love.

So next time when you get so irritated by his 5%, think would you miss all the 95% you have that you love.

OK it’s one of my mushy days.

Have a good week guys.